Name Name Name

Happy Monday, my lovely writers!

Today I want to talk to you a little bit about something I see in many writers’ work that tends to bog down writing.

You can probably guess that it has something to do with a name….(What? How could you possibly get that idea?)

Have you noticed that, when writing dialogue, we often have the characters that are talking say the name of the person they're talking to when they're getting emotional, trying to prove a point, or something of that sort? For example:

“Do you really know what’s going on here, Casey? Because I don’t think you do.”

The characters will interject the name of the person they're talking to when they’re serious about something or trying to emphasize a point. It’s actually very useful.

It can show when a character is getting angry or is talking passionately about something. For example:

“You really want to know why, Jack? You really want to know? Fine. You want truth, I’ll give you truth.”

Or:

“Just listen to me. You’ve had it easy. You’ve had everything and everyone you ever wanted in life. So don’t tell me for a second that you know what pain is. You know nothing of pain, Jen. Nothing!”

Even:

“Come on, Lilly! Try it!”

Is this realistic?

Sometimes, having a character repeat the name of the person they're talking to is really helpful.

It makes them sound human. It makes their words sound more natural. Here's another example:

"No! I've already told you the answer is no, Sophie!"

This sounds realistic, right? Having the character repeat the person's name in this situation sounds realistic.

But other times, it does the exact opposite.

Think about when you read. Have you ever gotten to a place where the character just says the other one's name too many times?

“But Danny, I don’t want that! You don’t want that either, do you, Danny?”

That one is subtle, but do you see how the person repeated Danny’s name twice? It’s not the worst. In fact, I think you could get by with that one. But what about this one:

"Angela, you don’t understand. You never understand anything, Angela. How could you? You’ve never had to go through what I’ve gone through. Can you even name a single person you’ve lost, Angela? Can you?”

The person talking here said Angela, the name of the person they're talking to, three times.

Three times in one paragraph.

See how that gives the words an oddly rehearsed feel? Some part of repeating a character’s name over and over like that just makes it sound….fake. It makes the words sound more practiced—not something we would say in real life.

Think about when you're in a conversation.

Do you normally repeat the name of the person you're talking to a lot? Do you talk to your friend like this: “Hey, Jenny! Do you know what I did today? It was really fun, Jenny. I went ice skating. But, Jenny, I wished you were there.“ Do we actually have conversations like that?

I don't know about you, but I don't.

So why would we make our characters do something we wouldn't?

Yes, there is a time and place for us to repeat the name of the person your character is talking to. Yes, it’s very useful in setting the mood. I am most definitely not telling you that you shouldn’t use it. I'm trying to communicate that, like most things in writing, there's the possibility of overusing it.

Another common way writers tend to overuse it is in a conversation.

For example:

“Julie, you know I want this.”

“But Kara, it’s too dangerous.”

“Only you believe that, Julie!”

“It’s the truth, Kara.”

Do we talk like that?

Do we ever really talk like that?

Nope.

Sometimes, writers will write a conversation between people and have the characters use the other person’s name a lot.

I’ve seen this in childrens' books more often than others. I sometimes see it in plays too.

Honestly, this is just something you want to avoid in writing—at least for YA or adult fiction.

It makes everything seem more scripted and less realistic.

Characters saying the other character’s name in a conversation is useful, but it is often used too much and too often.

So what is too much or too often?

I’m going to give you three examples and I want you to think about what we could do to change them or if there is even change needed.

1. “Tim, you aren’t in your right mind.”

2. “But, Ann, you don’t understand! You don’t understand anything, Ann.”

3. “Hey, Sue! How’s it going?”

“It’s going good, Bree. How about you?”

“Eh. It’s life. But, Sue, how’s Andy?”

Was there anything that needed changed on the first one? How about the second one? What about the third one (the only one that’s a conversation).

Before I let you know what each one needs, I want you to decide what you think they all need.

For the first one, it seems realistic, right? It’s only a single sentence and the person talking only uses the name of the person they’re talking to once. It sounds natural. There really isn’t anything to change.

Now the second one…..

As you can tell, the person talking uses the name of the person they’re talking to twice, and they’re used pretty close to one another.

In my opinion, this work could still be published. The character could just be really emotional at that moment. But if I was writing this, I would take out one of the names. In fact, I would just take out the whole “But, Ann,” part. To me, it’s just not necessary.

In the third one I think we all know what the problem is.

It’s the exact problem I’d talked about earlier. Writing a conversation and overusing names in it.

In those three paragraphs, Sue used Bree’s name once and Sue used Bree’s name twice. That means that once every paragraph, one of the people talking used the other ones name.

In my opinion, I would not publish that work as it is. I don’t think an editor would allow the writer to publish that as it is as well.

Using a name that many times is definitely unrealistic.

Is there a time when the "overused" version is realistic?

The only time I could see someone using the name of the person they're talking to in their conversation that much is if they are acting out a scene for a play or being dramatic in a comedic way.

Here's an example of someone using their own name in that manner for comedic purposes:

Ellory opened the door, seeing Danny standing there, grocery bags in each of his hands. "Did you get the soup?"

Danny raised his brows. "Hello, Danny! Thank you so much for running out to the store for me, Danny! Those bags must be heavy, Danny! Why don't you come in before your arms-"

"Okay okay, I get the point." Ellory stepped aside. "Hello, thank you, and come in."

It fits the scene, right? And it doesn't sound unrealistic for this type of scene.

Overall, using a name over again for emphasis, like demonstrated in this blog post, is okay in writing. But like a lot of things I’ve talked about, if it’s overused, it can sound fake or scripted. And unless the situation you're in is supposed to sound fake or scripted, it's best to avoid it.

I hope you learned a little something in this blog post!

If you have any questions, just contact me below.

Happy writing!

-Jocelyn